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A Husband Wants to be Respected by His Wife – A post for both wives and husbands
As a mental health therapist, there are themes that I often see take place in my office.
In marriages, the common issues that are discussed during therapy are that women don’t feel desired by their husbands and husbands don’t feel respected by their wives.
I’m certainly not saying that these are the only topics brought up. And I’m not saying that husbands don’t want to be desired or that wives don’t want to be respected. However, this is often the breakdown that I see in my office.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs wrote the book Love and Respect – The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs which discusses this topic obviously in much greater depth.
Men and women are different. I know that is not a shockingly new statement but there are so many times I have to remind couples in my office of that very fact. Often we tend to interact with our spouse in the way we want to be treated and loved. But given we are different than our spouse, our perspective is often not the same as theirs. Which is why our actions can fall flat because we are not interacting with our spouse in a way that is most beneficial to them.
Both men and women are made in God’s image but we have distinctly different characteristics and aspects from God.
Both men and women are made in God’s image but we have distinctly different characteristics and aspects from God. Men are to exude the masculine characteristics that are of God. Society is currently attempting to strip men of their masculinity. When men are emasculated and not respected they struggle within the marriage and in life as a whole.
God wants to be respected by us as well! He wants us to thank Him. God wants us to choose to follow His lead and abide in Him. This is a heart of a man as well.
Wives – ways to show your husband you respect him
- Say ‘Thank You’ to your husband for how he contributes to the family
- Compliment your husband
- Tell your husband you respect him for ________ (whatever it is you do respect him for and make sure you are honest)
Husbands – dos and don’ts to get your wife to show you she respects you
- Do – treat your wife with respect
- Do – explain why respect is important to you
- Do – discuss with your wife how you would like to be shown respect
- Don’t – demand respect from you wife
- Don’t – be disrespectful to your wife
1 Peter 3 (NIV) Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
Husbands, when your wife is not respecting you, God wants to show you He loves you and respects you. He created you and entrusted you to be the spiritual leader of the home. All God to show you ways to do this.
A Husband Wants His Wife to Believe He is Capable
Capability is a hot-button for most spouses that I see in my office.
This is the topic that leads to bickering and hurt feelings.
Wives say they believe their spouse is capable but then nitpicks, patronizes, or belittles their husband about a task that he hasn’t completed or not to her standards. Wives, your husband is not your child. The same tone you use to teach your child to complete a task should not be used with your husband!
The same tone you use to teach your child to complete a task should not be used with your husband!
I see husbands who want to be viewed as capable but then don’t follow through on their word. Don’t act like a child. I know that is blunt but if you are wanting to be viewed as capable and be respected than complaining and whining is not going to get you there.
This is the area that often leads wives to not then respect their husbands.
God wants us to know He is capable! He wants us to ask Him (not tell Him) to fix and alter things in our life so that we are better able to abide in Him and follow Him.
This is the heart of a man, too!
Wives – ways to show your husband you believe he is capable
- Show your appreciation when tasks get completed
- Ask your husband to complete a task don’t tell him to do it
- Don’t – nitpick about how your husband completed a task
- Don’t – nag about the time-frame it takes to complete tasks
Husbands – dos and don’ts to get your wife to believe you are capable
- Do – complete tasks you say you are going to do
- Do – complete household tasks and other jobs without being asked
- Don’t – complain about completing tasks
- Don’t – put off tasks after committing to them
Exodus 18:21 But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens.
Capable men were meant to lead. The bible is filled with men who didn’t initially believe they were capable of completing tasks God appointed them. But with the faith in God, the men endured! Husbands, be encouraged by their stories!
A Husband Wants His Wife to Believe He is Strong
Strong doesn’t mean just physical ability (although most husbands want their wives to believe they are physically strong, too).
It also means able to withstand great force or pressure. This then equates to strong in spirit, mind and character. An ability to hold firm in what you believe in because you believe it to be right.
God also shows us strength beyond measure. For one, we know He is literally able to move mountains. But God’s word is true, firm, and never moving. God does not bend or break on what is good and righteous. He is unchanging. God is ever reliable. And He wants us to go to Him when we have questions and/or don’t understand. Our Lord wants to be our teacher and our guide. He wants to show us the way.
This is the heart of man! Our husbands want to be our reliable source when we have questions or don’t understand. They want to physically and spiritually protect us if we, as wives, will only let them.
Our husbands want to physically and spiritually protect us if we, as wives, will only let them.
Wives – ways to show your husband you believe he is strong
- Seek your husband’s counsel
- Ask your husband’s opinion
- Tell your husband you value his opinion
- Calmly ask your husband to explain his reasoning if you disagree
Husbands – dos and don’ts to get your wife to believe you are strong
- Do – calmly explain your reasoning behind your opinion and/or stance
- Do – remain rooted in God’s principles
- Do – know God’s truths
- Don’t – patronize your wife for having a different view or opinion or for not knowing an answer
- Don’t – belittle your wife for having questions
Joshua 1:7 “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.
Husbands, if your wives do not believe you to be strong in spirit, mind, and/or character, dig into God’s word and remain rooted in His teachings. Do this so that you have a clear conscience and mind in your thoughts and opinions. You then will know you are attempting to lead based upon God’s teachings.
My sincere prayer for this post is that both you and your spouse can read it to start a conversation in an area that may be difficult.
For more posts about marriage please click on “Blog” above and then the “Marriage” tab.
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