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In attending a workshop on helping clients with body issues, the presenters from THE Conversation used the work of Henderikus J. Stam’s book The Body and Psychology to identify 5 misconceptions about the body.
Even if a person doesn’t struggle with an eating disorder or body dysmorphia it is amazing how often each of us can get caught in these thoughts. So I wanted to share the misconceptions and expand on them to help you identify the false truths you may have been experiencing. And to ultimately find healing.
Misconception 1 – My body’s appearance is the source of my identity.
“I’m fat.” or “No one will ever want to be with me because I’m ugly.”
Unfortunately, this thought is a common one. Especially for girls starting even as young as elementary school. For girls, this is when comparisons start and the belief that you are supposed to look a certain way can take root.
We can get stuck in the idea that our worth is based off of our physical appearance. It’s a thought that reduces ourselves down to something that is ever changing.
Because the reality is, we will get gray hair. And wrinkles. And weight in places we may not desire. But none of those things change who we are as God created.
If this is you:
Take the time to focus on you internal attributes. Your character, personality, and talents. Pray for God to show them to you if you are struggling.
Misconception 2 – My body is being used to satisfy the needs of others.
This thought often takes place when sex is engaged in other than how God designed it. When it is no longer being viewed as a gift from God.
I’ve had many a tearful girl in my therapy office who felt like the only reason their boyfriend (or spouse) was with them was because of sex. And unfortunately this often is the feeling and experience when sex is only focused on the physical nature.
But this thought also can take place for the worn out mom who has been birthed and nursed multiple babies and no longer feels like she has any personal say over her body.
In both instances, the beauty and wonder of how God designed our body, sexual intimacy, and procreation has gotten lost. And with it the identity of the woman.
If this is you:
Evaluate your relationship:
- If you aren’t married – I urge you to seek Christian counsel on God’s design for sex and why it is meant for after marriage.
- If you are married – I encourage you to discuss and study the purpose of sex with your spouse so that you can grow together as a couple.
- For the worn out mom – Seek support from your doctor or a therapist to identify where these thoughts are coming from and to rule out postpartum depression.
Misconception 3 – My body is the way to satisfy my needs.
This can also be the flip side to when sex is engaged in other than how God designed.
Due to feelings of loneliness and emptiness, women can seek out sexual relationships to feel satisfied. Only it rarely works. And often the feelings of emptiness can increase leaving the person seeking physical relationships all the more.
In my experience, often clients who have come to believe this misconception have experienced some kind of past sexual abuse or pattern of negative relationships.
If this is you:
I urge you to seek professional support to identify and understand where the feelings of loneliness and emptiness came from. And why you chose the physical route. Attempting to cover up any kind of past pain won’t make it go away.
Misconception 4 – My body has stopped me from my dreams.
Infertility and miscarriages when your dream is to be a mom. A sports injury when your dream is to be an athlete. Not tall enough when your dream is to be a model.
It’s difficult to know why we have certain dreams when they aren’t able to be realized. But often times our dreams become God’s reality in His timing and in His ways.
If this is you:
Take time for self-reflection on where this dream came from. And recognize that your dream also doesn’t define your identity.
Misconception 5 – My body has disabled me and is my enemy.
This often is the experience of people suffering from chronic illness, cancer or have been disabled in an accident. This can be a dark place for many people as they feel like their body has rebelled against them.
If this is you:
I pray that you seek support from a professional. Don’t go through this dark time alone.
And I pray that you know Jesus. That you have a personal relationship with our Lord and Savior. While He may not heal your body on Earth, a personal relationship with Jesus Christ means an eternity without pain and suffering.
I pray that this post meets you where you are and guides you to work on healing your past wounds and misconceptions about your body.
God bless!
Melissa
p.s. Check out all of the beautiful sites I linkup with.
Thank you for this post, Melissa. Recently, I was going to put on “something sexy” for my husband, and I realized I felt embarrassed to do so. I grew up in a home where being overweight was a reason to be de-valued, and I have struggled with eating issues most of my life. I always thought my value in my self was in how “good” I looked or didn’t look. So, I obsess about food, sometimes my gym time, and it becomes an endless cycle. I eat XYZ food, so I have to be “good” later and eat XYZ or exercise this many minutes. I swing back and forth between obsessing and not caring. I have even denied myself food when I am upset, to punish my husband. I know this isn’t God’s design for my view of food, exercise, self-worth, and self care. I think this is something I have struggled with most of my life. Thank you for this post as a good reminder of God’s design for the body, and how to have a healthier view of our body.
I also appreciate your thoughts on sex. As a sexual abuse survivor, I had distorted thoughts about sex and the body, and it is still difficult to understand God’s design for sex. Great post!
Thank you so much Dawn for having the courage to share your personal struggles! Far too often our worth gets caught up in our view and society’s view of our physical appearance. It is a battle that so many of us struggle with.
God’s design for sex is so beautiful! It is both a physical and spiritual act between husband and wife to give love and be vulnerable in a way only your spouse was designed to know.
Thank you again for stopping by and for sharing your experience. God bless!
These are great, Melissa. I have struggled with one or two of them and know how hard it can be to overcome. I love that you didn’t just point out the misconceptions, but offered helpful steps to overcome.
I think each of us have struggled with at least one or two of them! In our current society it’s hard not to. But yes, it’s not just about acknowledging with the misconceptions are but our need to heal and move beyond them. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. God bless!
I can completely relate to #1. My body identifies me. For years I heard about being fat and ugly and how that made me unlovable… I was told it over and over for so long that it is a part of my internal tape. God is re-writing it, but it is so hard to overcome.
Oh Tiffany, I’m so sorry that that was the message you were receiving. Sadly I think this is the message far too many people hear. And it absolutely takes root. I’m glad God is helping you heal. God bless your journey!
Number five scared me. I have been suffering from chronic pain for years now. I have had sad moments when I feel I need to give up praying for a healing but I hope the Lord will help me not to slip into number five. 😢
Yes, #5 is a scary place for many people to be. I pray that you experience healing in both your body and in your spirit as the days of pain can take a tole. Thank you for stopping by Donna, God bless!
Women have so many misconceptions about their bodies. We need to learn to accept ourselves the way God made us and make the most of what we have. I love all the advice here!
Yes, learning to accept ourselves the way God made us is so important. His standard of beauty is the only standard that matters. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your insight. God bless!
What a great post on how to wade through these misconceptions! I like that you listed an action plan of what to do if we struggle with the misconception.
Thanks Julie! Unfortunately, with the increase in social media, provocativeness of ads and entertainment, and nonchalance of sex – these are the misconceptions that take place. Thank you for stopping by and commenting! God bless!
Many of us think that it’s our body defines our personality while the looks and the beauty of the heart have such a difference. We need to see ourselves like God does.
Amen! Yes – if we were all able to see ourselves the way God does, our whole world would be a much different place. So many of life’s atrocities take place because of feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and self-loathing. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your insights. God bless!
Melissa,
What a great post. I look back and wish I had appreciated what I looked like ten years ago or twenty years ago and how I should appreciate where I am now. I need to let your post sink in. I just told my family I was done boating because I didn’t want to put a bathing suit on. Silly because I love spending time my family at the lake. Yes, there is more to me than how I look. Thank you.
I’ve had these thoughts, too. Being more positive and appreciative of how my body looks in all seasons of my life. There is far more to all of us than how we look. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and insights. God bless!
A informative & concise post Melissa, our body- mind connection is so important for our spiritual health & vice a versa!
Having chronic health conditions has been ‘the’ greatest mental challenge & I am a seasoned clinical therapist!
I’m so glad I have a strong relationship with Jesus!
You’re most welcome to drop by for a cup of inspiration anytime.
Jennifer
The connection is so important and unfortunately we are living in a society that seems to be neglecting the spiritual and rewriting the body to be the spiritual. I’m so glad I have a strong relationship with Jesus as well. I pray for my clients who don’t have a relationship with our Savior as I see how much more difficult their life if without His hope. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your insights. God bless!
Very deep and needed. I am trying to become a more intuitive eater and struggling like crazy to get away from the mindset I have regarding my body. Thanks Melissa.
The misconceptions we believe about our body are often rooted in personal and emotional pain. It doesn’t help that we live in a society that often encourages and/or celebrates these misconceptions as well. Thank you for stopping by Char and sharing your experience. God bless you journey and healing!
Thanks for these points, Melissa. I don’t think there is a woman ever who never struggled with her body image. Those of us who have experienced sexual assault can also identify with #5 – our body is our enemy. Thankfully, God is in the business of restoration and redemption. His love is truly transforming. Thanks for linking up with Grace & Truth!
Yes, I believe all women do struggle with body image at one time or another. And I am forever grateful that God brings emotional and spiritual healing to those who seek it. Thank you for stopping by and God bless your journey!
Feel good to read this article, thank you so much for sharing this post with us 🙂