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Having a God centered marriage assumes that both spouses have a personal relationship with Jesus. If that is not your case, I encourage you to first start with my posts on assurance of salvation and encouraging your spouse’s relationship with God.
As Christians we are called to put God ahead of all things. And that includes our marriage.
This can be hard as often people get married for the wrong reasons. Even Christian marriages.
They believe their spouse is going to fulfill all their desires and heal all their past wounds. Their spouse is going to provide them the love they desperately need.
But that’s not our spouse’s role. Only God is able of fill and heal our voids.
Asking of our spouse the role that only God is meant to fill is not only unfair to our spouse. (And setting them up for ultimate failure.) But it is also putting our faith and hope in the wrong place. We don’t need our spouse in the same way we need God.
Having a God Centered Marriage
Individual Time with God
We have to first focus on our own individual time with God. The closer we each get to God, the closer our marriage becomes as well.
- Prayer time
- Bible reading
- Journaling
- Worship music
- Bible studies/devotionals
Designate a certain time of the day to have alone time with God. I get up early before the rest of my family so that the house is quiet and I’m able to dedicate the time to Him. I find other times of the day it becomes too easy for me to get distracted. That doesn’t mean I don’t pray and talk to God during the rest of the day but it doesn’t tend to be as focused.
Together Time with God
To put God at the center of the marriage, He has to be a focus in the marriage. Utilize multiple ways to have God be a focus or topic of discussion.
As with most things that are important, it requires intention.
- Pray together – set a side a certain time of the day to pray as a couple.
- Read the bible together – this can be at the same time that you pray together or at another designated time.
- Listen/sing worship music – make it a focus to have Christian music on during house chores, downtime and in vehicles.
- Discuss the church sermon together – set aside time each Sunday to reflect and focus on what took place during the sermon.
- Watch Christian movies together – ensure that God is apart of your entertainment as well. The themes you watch as a couple are important as well.
- Complete bible studies together – engaging in bible studies that not only increase your biblical literacy but also your understanding of God’s design for marriage is so important.
I pray that these options help you and your spouse to place God at the head of all things in your life.
God bless!
Melissa
p.s. Check out all of the beautiful sites I linkup with.
These are good ideas, Melissa and I think when you have people that are interested in the same goals in their spiritual walk, this might be easier. My spouse and I are two very different people. I think we both came in to the marriage with expectations that were not self-less. Spiritually we are different. I am much more “charismatic” meaning, I am more emotional in my relationship with God and he is much more intellectual, so for us to see eye to eye on many topics is not happening. However, we have things that we like to do together and we both believe the same things as far as doctrine and so on. What helps our marriage is not so much what we do together spiritually, but just being able to have an open dialogue about topics and respecting each others’ differences. We do pray together, albeit not daily and we do talk over the church sermons on occasion and that sort of thing. We read, Love and War by John and Staci Eldredge and that really opened our eyes to the fact that God brings very different people together, for the purpose of bring us closer to Him, even though those two people may never actually have devotions together or even enjoy the same music together. I appreciate your thoughts on this topic, seeing as it really is such a complicated thing. Have a great day! – Amy
http://stylingrannymama.com/
Amy I really appreciate you insights and sharing your experiences. This is a complex and complicated topic. I would say my husband is also more intellectual with his faith and focuses more on the education and history aspects. While I enjoy those aspects, too, I tend to be more relational with my faith. We really enjoyed the “Madam, I’m Adam” study. It’s taught by a Rabbi focusing on Genesis and helping to better understand the Hebrew language. I haven’t read Love and War but I love John and Staci Eldredge! I’ll have to add it to my to-read list. Thank you again for stopping by Amy. God bless!
Melissa,
Thank you again for this great post. I saw the triangle the other day on pinterest, and it resonated with me. I agree that the “further we are from God, the further we are from our spouse.”
I have issues of co-dependency with my spouse, I believe it stems from a very difficult childhood, feeling the need to be “taken care of.” I also did this with the first therapist I had, which occurred through transference and emotional dependency.
I don’t know where to start on the co-dependency stuff. I freak out when my husband goes on trips- it triggers anxiety , nightmares, and feelings of abandonment. Even though it is a short trip, my mind believes someone will break in the house, so I can’t sleep.
We have a troubled relationship, and I don’t know where to start. We are trying to do counseling, but we having had a joint session yet.
Thank you for having the courage to share your struggles. Difficult childhood where a child was neglected, abused, rejected, and/or abandoned can all lead to issues with co-dependency. Becoming reliant on God to take care of you is the best place to focus that need. But that takes time. Working towards understanding your own worth and identity is going to be important. Healing your past wounds from your childhood is also incredibly important. Counseling sounds like a great start but it may be best to focus on individual therapy first to help you focus on who you are as a person. You may find my post “I don’t NEED my husband” a good read, too. Thank you again for stopping by and God bless your journey!
What a wonderful list of resources for getting closer to your spouse by getting closer to God!
They are all great resource that I have either read/used or by authors that I trust.
I feel into these thoughts of thinking my spouse would heal me of my past and fulfill me in ways that were empty.
His job isn’t to fulfill and heal me, that’s God’s job. Once I realized this and started working on myself with God’s help, my marriage got better!
I truly believe this is one reason why secular marriage have an extra struggle – there is nothing bigger (God) to place their hope in. And every spouse is fallible so is breeds continual pain and resentment. I’m glad you were able to place your hope and healing in God!
Such a good post! I learned before my husband and I were married about setting unrealistic expectations. We both spend time individually with the Lord, but have not really done studies together, as I am more of a teacher and tend to take over. Lol! However, we discuss and talk about the things of God almost all of the time. It’s interesting to see the different dynamics of a marriage!
That’s so great that you guys talk about God all the time. I don’t think bible studies have to be formal if God is already a part of your marriage. But they can be a pretty neat addition for the couple who don’t know where to start. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your experiences. God bless!
You are exactly right! I have to get my relationship with God right first… then we need to spend time connecting with the Bible at the center – together. We do this through a Life Group where we study through the Entire Bible.
That’s great that you guys have a formal together bible time!
Melissa, you are so right – both spouses must be close to God to have a God-centered marriage! Over time, He unites our hearts together with His. I keep seeing this over and over again. Thanks for sharing on Grace and Truth.
Yes, the closer I become with God over the years, the easier it is for me to view my husband through His eyes. That creates better connection and love for both of us. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. God bless!
I love that graphic!
If you focus on your vertical relationship your horizontal relationships improve.
Yes! The closer you both get to God the more we learn how to love and the closer we become to our spouse.