Working Moms – You are Still Important and Relevant to Your Children
Aside from maternity leave, I have always been a working mom.
When our oldest was just five months old we moved from Nebraska to Wisconsin for a job opportunity for me. So to start with, my husband stayed home with him. That remained for about a year before my husband got a job, as well, and we had to find daycare for our son.
Our daughter was born when our son was three. She then went to the same daycare at 12 weeks old. I remember asking my husband to go with me to drop off the kids because I knew I would be a tearful mess on the way to work. I was.
As preschool started for our son, we switched daycare to be closer to the school. Linda was an amazing lady who loved children. Our daughter will still bring up Linda and wanting to send her a note.
In 2016, we then moved from Wisconsin to Iowa (where my husband and I are both originally from) for another job opportunity for me. We also knew this was going to be a new chapter for my husband and children, as we felt God calling my husband to homeschool. The kids were six and three when we moved.
So since then, every workday I leave my family. I get lots of hugs and kisses and they make guesses on the exact minute I will come back home. And then I leave. My family goes on without me.
And it’s hard. Because insecurities creep in.
Outside Critics
When we lived in Wisconsin we had an elderly woman living next door. She was quite passive/aggressive about the fact that I worked full-time. “I just can’t get used to such a thing. Why have kids then?” Ouch.
I’ve also had more than a few stay-at-home-moms let me know that they would never want to miss out on their children’s formative years. Ouch.
These comments have extended to pointing fingers that, as a therapist, I spend more time supporting other people’s children than my own. Ouch.
Inner Critic
Then my inner critic starts to whisper. “They don’t need you.” “You’re not important in their lives.” “They’re getting along great without you.” “You’re no longer relevant.”
This can lead to feeling like a failure as a mom and a wife. All crummy thoughts to have while driving to work to be someone else’s therapist.
Working Moms – here’s the truth
You are worth more than your works!
Yes, I am missing out on things. But those things are not why I’m important to my children. I’m important and relevant because of our interactions when I am with them.
And this is why you, working moms, are important and relevant, too.
[ctt template=”7″ link=”OJrtc” via=”yes” ]Working moms-yes, you’re missing out on things. But those things are not why you’re important to your children. You’re important and relevant because of your interactions when you’re with them. [/ctt]
They are loved
My kids get hugs, kisses, snuggles, tickles, and “I love yous” multiple times before work and after work. They have been told that me going to work is because that is what God has called me to do. It is not because I enjoy being away from them.
I ask about their day
My kids enjoy getting to tell me about their day when I get home. I ask about school and activities and the fun stuff they got to do. Even if it’s hard. And Summer time is hard. They do fun activities and go on adventures that I wish I could be a part of but I never want my kids to feel like they can’t share they experiences and joy with me!
I am consistent
The rules are the rules. I don’t leave my husband out to dry by playing the ‘nice’ parent just because I’m gone. Even if I would like to or it would be easier. I also try my best to make sure I’m not going against something daddy told them earlier.
Family time is sacred
When we do have planned time together I ensure I am fully present. I may be the only 30-something year old woman who doesn’t own a smart phone but I also make sure I’m not on my laptop during family time. I schedule my blog time in the early mornings and while I may designate other specific times, I try hard to set a firm ending no matter what I’m working on.
One-on-one dates
I schedule one-on-one time with each of my kids. Sometimes it’s as simple as one of them going to the grocery store with me. Or taking advantage of the time that the other child has an evening practice. But once a month I try for a more special one-on-one date.
So while I may not get to be the Pinterest mom that I would love to get to be, I do my best to make the most out of the time I do get to have with my children.
Working moms, I pray that this post helped you to combat the lies. You are important and you are relevant.
God bless!
Melissa
Thanks for sharing this, Melissa. I have often been made to feel like “less than” because I am a stay-at-home-mom, so I think this goes both ways. I am so sorry for the harsh comments you have gotten. We all make the choices we make based off of what’s best for our family, and the only one who knows that is you. It sounds like you are doing a great job as a mom.
Oh, and even as a stay at home mom, I am far from a Pinterest mom…
Thank you for your kind words. I think it does go both ways. We live in a judgmental world where others feel the right and need to impose their thoughts and opinions onto others. Thank you for sharing your experiences as well! God bless!
Thanks for this post. I work part time during the week and at times I feel guilty for not being able to stay home with my child. It is encouraging to know that God sees my efforts, and that is all that matters.
Such an important message here. And employed moms (all moms work) should read it at least once a week.
Never forget. You are working for your kids.
God bless!
Thank you for your kind words, Nancy. That’s a great point to remember, “you are working for your kids”. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. God bless!
If you spend intentional time with your children and love them for who they are, you will form bonds with them that will last a lifetime, whether you work outside the home or not.
Yes, very true. This really is the only thing that matters. Thank you for reading and sharing. God bless!
Thank you for your heart in this. Our community has a lot of mothers who serve in the military and it’s hard to watch them kiss their babies good-bye. I have to remember that their hearts are focused on serving their families and country. It’s a noble thing to provide for your family no matter what people expect from our gender.
And my leaving each day pales drastically in comparison to our service men and women who have to leave their family for upwards of a year at a time. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! God bless!
Shared three ways. Melissa, I know that you do what you do because you and your husband are doing the absolute BEST that you can, together for your family. I know that your children are blessed, and so are the people you impact with your professional training and position as well as your loving heart. HUGS sister! You will be rewarded for your labor. These words of validation are important to your readers…………
Tammy you bring tears to my eyes! You are such a wonderful support to my life through this crazy blogging world. Thank you dear friend! God bless!
I’m so glad you wrote this! Moms are important, no matter what! I love how intentional you are with your time. You are a blessing to your kids. We all have our own callings. Your kids will learn so much from you through your actions and priorities. Both you and your husband make a great team!
Thank you Katie for your kind words! My children are a great gift from God and I want to honor Him by treating them that way and teaching them up the way He wants them to go. Thank you for stopping by and again for your encouraging words. God bless!
I loved this. I am an empty nester now so to speak but I was always a working mom and now both my daughters are working moms. Again great job on this!
Thank you Tressie! Being a working mom can be a hard role to balance. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. God bless!
Thank you for sharing this Melissa! I’m a Wisconsinite and actually almost in the Iowa border :0)
I enjoyed hearing your experience as a working mom!
Thank you Julie! If I remember right we’re only like 2 hours away from each other! Thank you for stopping by and sharing! God bless!
This is incredibly relatable. It’s so easy to self-doubt as a mom, but we definitely have our own plethora of worries as working moms. My LO is only one, but I fully intend to start the one-on-one dates soon! Thanks for sharing some great ideas!
Kaila, I’m glad the post resonated with you. The one-on-one dates are so much fun! It’s a time that you get to be completely theirs with other distractions or obligations! Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. God bless!
“You are worth more than your works!” >>> This can reach all moms (and dads) whether working outside the home our not. This is so important! I believe your post is relevant to not only working Moms, but staying home Moms too. Who we are with our kids rings louder than what we do or don’t do with our kids! I love reading more and more about your life, Melissa! You are a beautiful woman of faith and it’s refreshing to see someone be truthful and honest in writing! <3
I agree this can apply to all parents. “The grass is always greener” can apply to working mom and SAHM. I think we each can look at the other’s situation and wish we had their life (or a part of it). But truly it’s more about how we focus on our kids when we’re with them. Thank you, Katie for your kind words. They are incredibly encouraging this morning. God bless!
Such a good read. I found it really hard going back to work as I felt like I was abandoning him and missing out on a lot but I actually quite enjoy the little break from him and it makes the time we spend together more precious.
And enjoying that little break doesn’t make you a bad mom! I say that because I have worked with lots of mom who experience “mommy guilt” for enjoying and/or needing time away. There is definitely some truth to “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and experiences. God bless!
Dear Melissa
After reading your latest blog post “Working Moms – You are Still Important and Relevant to Your Children” I’d like to give my comment.
Your blog post shows what a puzzle it is to balance work and family life.
I have tremendous respect for those who live the lifestyle you describe.
It takes courage and strength to have to leave the loved ones and head off to the job without them.
My first thought about the senior woman you describes in the blog post is that it’s none of her business in a way how you and your husband prioritise to live.
I understand the problems that come along with your particular perspective were you help other people’s children.
Nevertheless, I maintain my point that the world needs people like you and your husband.
I know people need what you do.
Perhaps it doesn’t feel like that always, but I believe that’s the way it is.
Seen from another perspective, it can be a lesson for children to see how the mother and father structure their lives.
If we were together 24/7 there wouldn’t be any new experiences to talk about, right?
My favourite part of this particular blog post was this advice:
“I try hard to set a firm ending no matter what I’m working on.”
That’s a great way to free up time that can be used to be with our families.
Thank you for this critical perspective for parents.
On my way to share on Twitter.
Blessings!
Edna Davidsen
Thank you for your thoughtful comments Edna! I appreciate your encouragement and reminders. God has called me to be a therapist and a blogger to shine His light and show people who are hurting ways to find healing. Thank you again for reading and sharing your thoughts and insights. God bless!
This is so reassuring for working mothers! Even when I work at home, I can feel that nagging thought of not spending enough time with my son, who constantly desires my attention. So it becomes a daily struggle to give those thoughts and worries over to God, and to not feel as though I am failing as a parent. Thanks for giving me areas to focus on, showing me that despite my working status, I still sow into my son with valuable time, attention, and care when I do shut my computer down:)
I’m glad that the post resonated with you. This can be so hard and sometimes I still struggle with “mommy guilt” and trying to balance family with what I know God is also leading me to be doing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. God bless!
Thanks for sharing this post. Often times as a stepmom. I forget just how important I am to the children in life. Sometimes, I do feel bad for having to spend so much time away from home working. But, I know that understand.
Step-moms play a super important role! Thank you for stopping by and sharing your experience. God bless!
Wow, Melissa! This is so good and really important. I think more moms (working or not) need this type of conversation to remind them that neither option is easy. There’s an inner critic in all of us.
There is definitely an inner critic in all of us and too often it is fueled by the naysayers around us. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your support and thoughts. God bless!
Thank you Melissa for your honest post and your excellent advice. I straddled the fence in both arenas of being a working mom for a season, and being a stay at home mom for a season. Let me tell you from experience, neither is an easy road. There is always someone who has an opinion about your parenting. That’s why years ago, the Lord really showed me that one I’m grounded and not a Christian identity first, then other peoples’ opinions shouldn’t matter less when I know I’m in His will, doing the best I can. That is really all any of us can do, right? Be blessed.
Thank you Lisa! Yes, everyone certainly has an opinion no matter the career/life choice and parenting approach. That’s a great reminder that if we are listening to God’s path for us, the inner critic will be quieted and the outside voices won’t seem so loud. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your insight! God bless!
Never have I read this type of encouragement from a Christian mom! I have always worked and with 4 children, I’ve struggled through 16 years stuck between being proud of my career but ashamed for not regretting it! Usually the Christian moms work at home or in a part time capacity, and hearing your story opened helped me feel more confident about knowing godly motherhood and a career is possible! Thank you for the inspiration!