A Wife Wants to be Desired by her Husband – a post for both husbands and wives
Let’s be honest, this is why Hollywood and Bookstores make so much money off of romance movies and novels!
We love the idea of someone yearning and desiring for us. Little girls pretend and act out this scenario all the time!
And it’s not a bad thing! It doesn’t make us weak or less than because we want to feel desired!
Because our want to feel desired comes from God! We are all made in God’s image but males and females have different attributes from Him. It’s not that men don’t want to feel desired, they do, but it holds a different importance to women.
Truthfully, if a woman says she doesn’t want to be desired it is likely due to past pain and wounds that has lead her to guard herself from that want.
God wants to be desired by us, too! He wants us to yearn for him and seek Him. He wants us to have an intimate relationship with Him. And He gives us that choice! What good is love by someone else if it isn’t their choice? You would never know if their love for you was genuine. Our Lord is a romantic!
Husbands – ways to show your wife you desire her
- Words of affirmation about what turns you on about your wife; personality, characteristically and physically.
- Let her know why you chose her over other women
- Express small intimate physical touch. Place your hand on her lower back, kiss her neck as she is looking down, stroke her face with your hand, look her in the eyes as you say “I love you”.
- Buy her lingerie for no reason
Wives – dos and don’ts to get your husband to show you he desires you
- Do – let him know you desire him
- Do – let him know you want to be desired by him
- Do – let him know why you want to feel desired
- Don’t – try to make him jealous
- Don’t – try to play coy and act like it doesn’t matter
When you don’t feel desired by your husband know that God desires you!
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Rom. 5:8
God paid the ultimate sacrifice of His son because He desires you! God wants you to know his everlasting love for You! I
A Wife wants to be Swept Off her Feet by her Husband
This can mean both literally and figuratively! Think of all of the romance movies that show a large gesture and expression of love from the guy to the girl. Wives want to feel that showered in love.
Not all the time. But more than just the holidays!
This desire also comes from God! Doesn’t He want us to show Him large expressions of our love?! We are called to make open statements about our faith and our love for God. We are not to be embarrassed or ashamed of our relationship with Him!
A wife wants her husband to show that level of pride and confidence in his love for them, too!
Husbands – ways to sweep your wife off her feet
- plan a romantic dinner; either at a restaurant or homemade
- take her dancing or dance lessons
- spontaneously take the day off together
- Go some place she has always wanted to go; the new little coffee place around the corner, a bed and breakfast or far away travels.
- take a bath together in candlelight
Wives – dos and don’t to get your husband to sweep you off your feet
- Do – grand gestures to show your husband you love him
- Do – tell him places you would like to go or do
- Do – share your bucket-list ideas
- Don’t – expect him to be able to read your mind
- Don’t – brag about the things your friend’s husband has done for her
- Don’t – watch a romance movie with your husband and say in a sarcastic tone “That would be nice!”
When your husband has not swept you off of your feet and you are feeling depleted, know that God continues to show you grand gestures of love on a daily basis! You only have to look for them!
“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
A Wife Wants to be Pursued by her Husband
A wife want to be continually pursued beyond the words “I do”. We want to be wooed, sought after and pursued. Wives want to know that their husbands continue to believe they made the right choice in taking you to be their wives! They want more than just “I love you” and a peck on the lips as you leave the house and go to bed.
This is also a desire of our Lord! He wants us to pursue Him on a daily basis. God wants our relationship to be more than once a week. He wants us to continue to work at our relationship Him and to make it a priority.
That is absolutely our heart as a wife, too!
Husbands – ways you can pursue your wife
- Set time aside everyday to talk with your wife
- Get to know her current interests, friends, and favorites
- Check-in throughout the day just because
- Don’t let her walk away sad
Wives – dos and don’t to get your husband to pursue you
- Do – pursue your husband
- Do – talk about what you liked about how your husband pursued you before marriage. (not in a snarky tone!)
- Do – thank him for times he does pursue you
- Do – let him know how loved and secure you feel when he pursues you
- Don’t – walk away or leave just to see if he will follow
- Don’t – be quiet or guarded to test if he will check to see if you are okay
- Don’t – respond to your husband pursuing you in a harsh manner “it’s about time…”
When your husband is not pursuing you the way he once was, know that God wants to woo you daily! He knows your worth and He wants an eternal relationship with you! He give you flowers and sunsets for your delight!
“In all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death or life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39
My sincere prayer for this post is that both you and your spouse can read it to start a conversation in an area that may be difficult.
For more posts about marriage please check out my Marriage tab above or link directly to the following articles: Choose Love Daily, Why 50/50 Marriages Don’t Work, When you put your Marriage First The Whole Family Wins, Sexual Intimacy in a Marriage is a Gift, The Importance of Adventure as a Married Couple.
God Bless,
Melissa
Sometimes we just have to own up and tell our spouses what we need. We all have our ways of manipulating our spouses to get them to fill our needs. But the truth is that it doesn’t count less if we have to let them in on our needs before they fulfill them.
Absolutely! And everyone would rather be told how to care for their spouse rather than feel like they were tricked into it! Thank you for reading and commenting! God Bless!
I love this! All I ever hear is the opposite, that the wife has to do everything. If the husband is truly desiring, pursuing, and sweeping his wife off her feet, it’s so easy for her to be excited about him!
It really is a balance. A husband has to know how to pursue and sometimes that means a wife has to appropriately show him without playing games. Thank you for reading and commenting! God Bless!
The “do’s” are so good, but I so appreciate that you included the “don’t’s.” Making our love flourish in a positive way is so important.
It is so important! And unfortunately when people try to seek out love from our spouse they can get too focused on receiving the love that they do it in ways that can actually harm the marriage. Thank you for reading and commenting! God Bless!
It’s true that God calls us to make an open statement of faith and love towards Him. And it’s not just a one time thing! It should be the same in marriage, though we tend to get complacent about expressing it everyday to our significant others. Great ideas for husbands and wives to get back into pursuing one another!
It is amazing how we want God to pursue us or we pursue Him often is how we pursue and want to be pursued by our spouse. When we are healthier and more focused on our relationship with God our marriages flourish as well! Thank you for reading and commenting! God Bless!
Amen, amen, amen! All too often I witness women who don’t realize or don’t care that their relationship with their husbands comes before ALL others, excluding her relationship with Christ of course.
It is the most important Earthly relationship we can engage in and loving our spouse well can be God honoring and glorifying! Thank you for reading and commenting! God Bless!
Yes, we do want to be desired. As do our spouses. May we each do better at showing it and receiving it as a result of reading your encouragement here!
Thank you Lisa. I plan on writing a follow up post as well focused on husbands. Thank you for reading and commenting! God Bless!
Melissa, I love the gold nugget here that when we don’t feel desired, know that we are desired by God. It is impossible to fill every need of our spouse or be filled completely, and it is such comfort to know we have a God who is always crazy about us!
It is such a beautiful comfort! Resting in that knowledge also allows us to release our spouses from that impossible role. That alone increases our happiness and contentment in our marriage. Thank you for reading and commenting! God bless!
Such great wisdom here!!
Thank you for your kind words and for stopping by to read and comment! God bless and good luck on the bible study launch! It really is beautiful!
I am going to grab this and share on my FB page today. I am teaming up with another blogger to talk about sex from God’s perspective on being married and single! Thanks for the great tips
Thank you for sharing with others. I also have a post specifically focusing on Sexual Intimacy in Marriage as a Gift. Sounds like that would fit, too! Thank you for reading and commenting! God bless!
This was a good post although I have to add something to your first list to husbands. I would only want ONE of those things on the list so I think its important to have a discussion with your wife sometime soon on what SHE would like, since we are all different.
I especially liked that you advised women not to play games, be coy or sarcastic, etc.
Yes, Kathleen, you are right. All of us ladies are different and it’s important for your husband’s to know you would like specifically. Thank you for reading and commenting! God bless!
You have some really great tips here. I love how this post is addressed to men and women and how you give dos and don’ts for women. We can’t expect our husbands to give us what we aren’t giving them. Your blog was a great find at the Grace and Truth linkup. God bless!
Thank you for those kind words! Marriage is not 50/50 but giving loving our spouse as God has called us to do. Thank you for stopping by and commenting! God bless!
What do you fa as a wife when you do show desire for your husband and you have tried to let him know what you need from him and it does no good? I’ve been trying for 9 years to get my husband to desire me. Desire died the day we said I do. I’m lucky if he will touch me once a year. Trust me I’ve shared my thoughts, my feelings, and my desire for him. He just gets mad.
I’m so sorry to hear about your situation, Diana. It sounds like you would benefit from some therapy support so that you would be able to discuss the detailed history of our marriage as well as explore both of your histories prior to marriage. Many prayers and courage for you and your marriage. God bless!