Raising our Daughters with a Gentle and Quiet Spirit
I recently got the opportunity to spend an entire weekend with just my four-year-old daughter as my husband and son were having a boys weekend away.
It was so much fun! We dressed up, had a tea party, watched movies, smelled flowers, painted nails, pretended to know karate, played with fairy wands, drank smoothies, had a pillow-fight, and went shopping.
But most of all the weekend was an amazing blessing for my spirit. She is such a gift from God and exudes beauty in every sense of the word!
I have to admit I was a little bit worried about having a daughter. I was shy and lacked confidence in most areas until well into my late twenties. That wasn’t what I wanted for my daughter. But I didn’t really know how to instill in her a sense of beauty and confidence.
When our daughter was still in a crib I came upon a poster for 1 Peter 3:3-4 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great importance in God’s sight.
I bought the poster and it has been in her bedroom ever since.
In the short time she has been alive, I have noticed how much more distorted society has become at describing beauty in women. Our daughters deserve better than this!
So let’s look closer at the verses and what they are saying.
1 Peter 3:3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.
Girls and clothes. This first verse can certainly be a source for contention.
First it should be noted that the verse says “your beauty should not come from…” It does not say “don’t wear…”
My daughter’s poster is hanging directly above her dress-up princess outfits. Because there is nothing against a girl wanting to look outwardly pretty!
The distinction that is so important is that our daughters don’t believe that the fancy clothing is required for her to be beautiful.
There is absolutely a balance!
I want my daughter to present herself well both in character and in presentation. Therefore I buy clothes for her that are classy and feminine. I absolutely have a rule about the length of shorts, skirts, and dresses. Dressing well for a female does not have to be equated with sexual or provocative. And at the same time I want my daughter to know how to dress her body that compliments the way God made her.
The focus on modesty was derived from the rampant sexual immorality of the time. (not that that is all that different from today) And also modesty was so that the focus on clothing was not hindering their relationship with God.
Currently in society fashion for girls seems to be one of three things: bash boys through graphic tees, sexual/provocative, or asexual. All three of these are missing the boat on understanding beauty!
1 Peter 3:4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
Now we can get to the actual definition of beauty that “is of great worth in God’s sight”. A gentle and quiet spirit!
Gentle and quiet are certainly not the attributes that are being advertised for girls in society today! While shopping with my daughter we had to push past and search through many racks of clothing. Most were touting words such as bold, bossy, and sassy. Not the message I want my daughter believing or advertising!
Gentle
The definition of gentle is mild in temperament or behavior. Synonyms are kind, tender, sympathetic, considerate, understanding, understanding, compassionate, benevolent, and good-natured.
Quiet
The definition of quiet is making little or no noise. Synonyms are silent, still, hushed, soft, noiseless.
Spirit
Let’s go back to the verse for one last distinction “gentle and quiet spirit“. Our spirit is our soul and emotional character!
You can have a spirit that is gentle and quiet and yet at the same time be passionate, brave and energetic when the situation warrants!
My faith and love for God provides me a gentle spirit to work with and care for His hurting people. And that same tenderness and compassion for others will help me rise up when necessary to protect the weak or less fortunate.
The consistent and constant love that God gives provides me a quiet spirit to allow stillness for others in chaos. And that same steady quietness will help me remain calm when the world around me is so loud.
So while I was initially apprehensive to have a daughter, I have found that my faith has grown just by watching her shine God’s light through her bright blue eyes and sweet smile.
And my heart fills and I thank God every time I tell her she is beautiful and she responds, “Thank you, I know!” She knows she is beautiful because she is a child of God and He made her so. She also knows she looks beautiful in her pretty dresses!
God Bless,
Melissa
I think that this verse can also apply to boys. I say that because this verse to me speaks about my relationship with God. Am I quiet to listen to Him, am I gentle to obey and to love those around us. Often the bible uses sons and we apply the lesson to girls, and in this verse we can do the same. We should also be teaching our boys to be quiet in the presence of God and gentle and carring towards others.
Very true Anne! Thank you for reading and commenting! God Bless!
Oh if you had read my FB post last night. It was quite the challenging evening (or entire day, actually) with my daughter. She’s not a gentle or quiet spirit — but a rather feisty and fiery one. I suppose I only have myself to blame, as I have been known to be feisty and fiery (and and I’m not even a redhead). Your post really struck a nerve in my heart with a question God has been asking me for some time now: Will you surrender your spirit to Mine? If not for you, then for her? I’m only just now learning how to have a gentle and quiet spirit – and it’s not easy to learn when you’re 43. I mess up more times than I get it right, but God isn’t giving up on me and I pray I keep trusting that “through Christ, all things are possible.” I want more for my little girl. Yes, I do believe God made her to be feisty and fiery — but that doesn’t mean her spirit or emotional character has to be defined as such. Thank you so much for this post. It was an unexpected and timely blessing. xoxoxo **Visiting from CWBU** Subscribed and followed
Just remember that feisty and fiery can be a beautiful gift when harnessed by the Holy Spirit! You can have a love and a passion for God that is fiery because you have given your spirit to Him and that produces a sense of calm and gentle. Your daughter will see your efforts in abiding and obeying God as controller of your life. She will know Him, of that I feel sure! Our timing is not always His and we will continue to love her and pray over her. Thank you so much for reading and commenting! God Bless!
Our hearts can be meek and quiet when we rest in who Christ is and in what He has done. When we yield to Him, we abide and are able to walk by the Spirit.
Very true. This really is a concept that society just doesn’t grasp. There is just a misunderstand of what gentle and quiet really can mean. Thank you for reading and commenting! God Bless!
What a beautiful message for each mother to reflect upon herself and to pass on to the next generation.
Thank you for such kind words and for reading and commenting! God Bless!
Love this and will share with my teen and tween daughters! The world seems to glorify the loud, self-aggrandizing personalities that put others down. We want to focus on kindness and building others up. This starts with the heart and a gentle spirit.
I’m so glad you find the post worthy of sharing with your daughters! There is such a misunderstanding that gentle and quiet means pushover and that’s just not the case. You’re right, it starts with the heart and knowing who you are in your identity in Christ. Thank you for reading and commenting! God Bless!
I think you touched on so many good points in this post! I pray my daughter lives her life knowing what God deems beautiful!
I think that is my prayer for my daughter daily! Currently she has such a beautiful understanding of her beauty through God and how He created her. I don’t want that 4 year old child-faith to be tarnished by the world! Thank you for reading and commenting! God bless!
As mothers we are rowing against such a river of vanity, are we not? The new feminine hero is a superhero who fights as well as a man. We turn our men into women and our women into men, though I don’t want to suggest that there is inequality between the sexes. We are equal but different. Lovely post.
We are different! It saddens me that it has become not okay to say. We were purposefully made in different ways for different functions. That doesn’t mean there isn’t cross-over in our abilities but there are differences. Thank you for reading and commenting! God Bless!
This is such a crucial lesson for ALL women, but especially the ones we’re raising. I want her to know God so closely that His Spirit flows through her.
That is exactly my prayer for my daughter as well! Thank you for reading and commenting! God Bless you and your daughter!
It’s a good thing that your daughter knows that she is beautiful; in my adolescent days I had a lot of issues with my beauty. I thought I wasn’t good enough like I need to fit the society’s beauty standards. In my country beautiful girls are the ones with curves and I don’t have that and I felt like I needed fixing but God saved me and showed the perfection I should find in Him
I’m so glad that you realized your beauty and seek after God’s perfection! Thank you for commenting! God Bless!
Yes! What the world calls weakness God calls meekness! A gentle and quiet spirit exudes so much more confidence and charisma than a (merely) outwardly strong woman. Thanks for sharing!
The world has certainly gotten it wrong on this one! I worry for the girls/women going down the path of believing they don’t need anyone in their life! Thank you for reading and commenting! God Bless!
I love that you are teaching your daughter the difference between what culture is calling her to be (or not be) and what Christ calls her to be!
That is the goal for both her and my son however the culture is trying to teach them both very different things and none of them are what God wants for them! Thank you for reading and commenting! God Bless!
I came across this site while searching for information to share with my 9yr old daughter. She is being bullied at her school and has cried to me on several occasions about not
being like and not having any friends at this school. But she also loves her teachers and being able to learn how to play the violin. She is doing very well and so excited that she can now play. I hesitated in sending her there due to the neighborhood in which it is located. For fear of this happening and it is a big mistake. I /she wanted to attend due to the strings program they offer. This has been a passion for her since she was about 5yrs old. Violin lessons are very expensive and I could not afford them. So we figured this would be the perfect opportunity for her. It breaks my heart to know that she feels unwanted and ostracized. My daughter is very intelligent, kind, smart and beautiful inside and out. She has made principals honor roll every year and every semester since 1st grade and currently in 3rd. She has also been tested for the gifted program which she scored very well on ( above-average) . I told her to ignore them and that she is lovely the way she is. I explained to her that sometimes people are cruel, mean and jealous. And that she should not allow their bullying behavior to affect her. And God loves her and so do I. I told her to not change who she is to try and fit in with them. She is different and comes from a different class meaning she is classy, very well mannered and respectful and to not stoop to their level. My heart aches for her because she has always got along with others and is kind to everyone and is always willing to help, share or do what she can. Never had any issues at any other schools like this until now. Like for instance the students will often ask her for help and after she does then it’s right right back to being mean and nasty towards her. I told her the next time don’t help let them figure it out on their own. Because I know they are just using her and she doesn’t seem to understand that. Because she just wants to be their friend. I am teaching her that she can’t change other people and to focus on her. If they don’t want to be friends then it’s ok not her loss. I want her to be confident and to keep her head held high. And continue to be her best or let this discourage her. I don’t want this to affect her grades . I know this type of bullying behavior can have an affect on children. And I am trying to prevent that. Also school is almost over in 2 months. So she wants to finish. Can you please advise me further. I would greatly appreciate any help. Thank you.
I’m sorry to hear that your daughter is being teased and bullied at school. Have you talked to the school at all? I can understand her desire to want to finish since the year is so close to being complete. I would walk through the fruit of the Spirit characteristics with your daughter to reinforce what characteristics she is doing well and ways to grow others, too. The goal would not be to compare her to the less than positive character of her peers but more to encourage and solidify who she is. I would also share with her the components of a friendship so she’s able to understand and distinguish between peers who are positive and ones who are potentially using her. I would also encourage your daughter (and you) to pray for her classmates. Pray that they come to know Jesus, that they are safe at home, that they are well cared for within their family, and that their parents show them love and protection. Bullying and teasing behavior always comes from somewhere, so also pray that they come to know their true worth and value as well. Thank you for reaching out and I pray your daughter is able to endure the rest of the year and then I pray that you are given the wisdom, discernment, and ability to enroll your daughter in a school where she will flourish. God bless!