The Road to Finding Your Identity After Adoption
“But they didn’t want me. Why didn’t they want me?”
That question never gets easy to hear and answers are even harder.
As a Christian mental health therapist, I’ve worked with children, teens, and adults for eight years. Of all the clients, however, God has created a special place in my heart for children who have endured trauma. I often work with children who have been removed from their biological home due to abuse and/or neglect and now are navigating a new foster placement or have been adopted.
My role for these children is to be a safe person and environment to ask these tough questions and to help them work on understanding who they are outside of the life they’ve known.
As I write this, I can’t help but be bombarded with face after face of little ones who have cried in my office over the loss of their biological parent. The same parent who harmed them.
When I first started as a therapist, this was the hardest part for me to understand. These children are often abandoned and rejected by their biological parents and yet remain loyal and protective of them. They may have been adopted into a home that is loving and safe but many would willingly leave to go back to what they know and love in their old life.
So often, most traumatized children don’t believe a loving and safe home really exists. Or at the very least, they believe they don’t deserve one.
The majority of my work with these children is helping them to replace the false truths they’ve been duped to believe. Their worth is not based upon their behaviors. They did not deserve the abuse they endured. They are not unlovable.
To read the rest of the post click over to Lori Schumaker’s site where I am sharing this post on her
Chosen and Worthy series.
God Bless!
Melissa
I followed the article link and pinned it to my foster/adopt board, and am sharing it via e-mail, specifically recommending that my friends check out your site. One of the little girls that I have mentored over the years, is in fostercare, now with parents who want to adopt her, but her behavior makes it very difficult….. This site could give them the encouragement they need! Thanks Melissa!
Thank you Tammy! It is a beautiful joy to help a family with a wounded child in anyway we can. Thank you for reading and commenting! God bless!
Beautiful post and God is using you in your career as a therapist to reach so many. I have encountered many kids with behavior issues that have been adopted and everything you have said is so very true. I have prayed and talked with many families that just do not know what to do with their adoptive kids and their behaviors. I always tell them to just keep showing them, love. These kiddos act out because they have so many emotions that they do not even understand themselves. It takes lots of patience and guidance from God for sure!
Thank you for your kind words. Often times the hardest part of my job is helping the adoptive parents understand where the behaviors are coming from. They are not a choice. This is a result that needs time, patience and love to support before healing can even potentially take place.
“Most traumatized children don’t believe a loving and safe home really exists.” This breaks my heart!
It is such a heartbreaking reality for so many children.
What a beautifully written post. I’m sharing on my social media. It is such an important message.
Thank you Sasha for your kind words and for sharing! It is an important message to for everyone to recognize! God bless!
Dear Melissa
I appreciate that you share your knowledge you’ve gained from working as a health therapist for eight years with us in your blog posts. You have so many good points we can learn from. I understand why you have a special place in your heart for children who have been removed from their biological parents.
It’s so important we all do all we can to give children a good start in life!
I’ll head right over to Lori and read the rest; I love Lori’s blog as well; she has such a beautifully designed blog, and her blog posts are filled with positive vibes.
PS: I just shared this on Social Media.
Blessings
Edna Davidsen
Thank you Edna for you kind words. I love Lori’s blog, too and it was an honor to get to guest post on her site. Thank you again for reading and sharing! God bless!
My pleasure 🙂
It breaks my heart how abuse convinces everyone that they are unworthy of love. It can take decades to convince someone otherwise.
It can take a very long time. Often a majority of my work with the adoptive family is reminding them of that and ensuring them that even if they don’t see significant change within their adoptive child, they are introducing and reinforcing the concept of unconditional love. Thank you for reading and commenting! God bless!
What an inspirational post – sharing your heart. It is such a privilege to work with troubled children and offer hope. I tutor for my job, and in doing so – the best part is encouraging the children to see that God made them for a purpose with gifts and talents and that they can do so much more than they believe. Thanks for sharing!
It is such a privilege to get to see even the tiniest understanding of God’s love in these wounded children. Thank you for stopping by and commenting! God bless!
Oh my! Such a humbling write up! Identity in Christ is unchangeable and highly carved into our Spirits, people who bring that out for these kids do a wonderful job!
Thank you Ann. We are all God’s children however some have such a long road in realizing that. Thank you for reading and commenting! God bless!
It’s so sad how those children not only have a messed up view of life but a messed up view of God. I’m glad you are there to help them along. I’m looking forward to checking out the rest of your blog.
Thank you for your kind words, Kathleen. It is incredibly sad that the action of someone else can hinder the relationship a child can have with God. Thankfully He can heal all wounds even though His timing is not always what we would desire. Thank you for stopping by and commenting! I hope you enjoy the rest of the site. God bless!
I have a close friend who was adopted, and she has, to this day, still expressed sentiments about what her biological parents could have been like. How beautiful of you to work with children. I pray that God would provide healing.
It is a ‘what if’ question that haunts a lot of adopted children. We all earn to know who we are and where we come from. Hopefully your friend knows she is a child of God and that has been a source of healing for her. These children could use as many prayers as people are willing to provide, so thank you! God bless!
I am so glad that God has put women like you on this earth that are willing to work through the hard road with these children. Thank you for a good article
Shiree, your words are more touching than you will know! Thank you for stopping by and commenting. God bless!
First, Thank God for the work that you do. I cannot imagine the heartbreak these children have, and your heart for being one that may bring some light into their world. Prayers and blessings for both you and all that you care for.
Peabea@Peabea Scribbles ~ Sunday Scripture Blessing Link up
Thank you for such kind words. These children can use all the prayers they can get. God bless!
Melissa,
I am so encouraged by the positive feedback we have had regarding this post! I knew your wisdom in this area would be such a blessing, but to see how many people it is reaching to increase awareness and HOPE is such an affirmation! Thank you for joining me in #ChosenandWorthy and for breathing hope into the lives of many ♥
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Lori,
It was such an honor to share this message on your site! Reading the comments has been wonderful and encouraging. My hope and prayer is that people have a better understanding of the wounds and long road these hurting children endure. Thank you again! God bless!