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Positive Self-Talk: Ways to Combat the Negative
Let’s be honest. We talk to ourselves all the time! Usually in our head but I’ve been known to mutter when I’m looking at my to-do list.
Self-talk happens during everything we do. From taking inventory of how we are feeling – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We use self-talk when we are interacting and observing other people.
But how often are the things to tell yourself negative and unkind? You look fat. You’re ugly. So and so can do that better than you. You’re such an idiot. There’s no way your going to get that promotion. You don’t matter. You’re worthless.
I could go on and I’m sure there are times that you do. But where does all that negative self-talk come from?
Negative self-talk
Negative self-talk comes from all of the past wounds and hurts we have endured.
Past wounds can come from criticisms, nit-picks, teasing, bullying, and harsh words. It also can come from unintentional negative messages that we have perceived from family members or important people in our life.
If we experienced more negative messages than positive messages, then those situations and statements start to become our core beliefs about ourselves based on the false ‘truths’ we received.
These false truths and core beliefs then turn into our daily self-talk monologue. And it can be pretty terrible things we say about ourselves!
Positive Self-Talk
So the goal then is to switch our negative self-talk with more positive messages. It can be a hard process and certainly takes time. Please give yourself grace! There’s no reason to be down on yourself for being down on yourself.
[ctt template=”4″ link=”7oQMd” via=”no” ]Give yourself grace! There’s no reason to be down on yourself for being down on yourself! [/ctt]
Notice the thoughts you’re having
The first step to altering self-talk and your thoughts surrounding yourself is to start noticing the thoughts you’re having.
In Dr. Caroline Leaf’s book, Switch On Your Brain, she describes this process as “gathering”. Dr. Leaf is a communication pathologist and audiologist who has worked in the area of cognitive neuroscience. She has studied and researched neuroplasticity or the minds ability to actually change the brain. From her book she states
We can actively choose happiness rather than letting our external and internal world of wired-in and learned thoughts and our biology define happiness for us. We need to wire in positive thought networks that can fill us with the power to get us back on track.
Take the time to sit and write down “What do I think about myself?” I suggest finding a journal just for this topic because there is going to be quite a bit of writing and self-reflection. Don’t edit. Don’t filter. It doesn’t have to be in complete sentences much less paragraphs. Write everything – both positive and negative. How do you view yourself in all areas of who you are?
This should be a pretty long journal entry and quite possibly bring up some tears that you may not expect. As a therapist I’m pretty used to tears but that’s not necessarily true of everyone else. Make sure you are in a place where you feel comfortable and safe enough to be able to cry and don’t stop yourself.
After you’ve exhausted your list (and potentially yourself) take a break! Maybe a few hours or wait until the next day. In the next step you’re going to need to be more rationally minded and that’s hard to do when a lot of emotion has just been expressed.
Where’s the evidence?
Come back to the list when you feel ready. Now find all of the negative statements you wrote and write them all down on a new list. After the new list has been compiled you are going to go one-by-one for each statement. This may take many different days for you to complete depending upon the level of pain and wounds you have endured. If you have experienced significant trauma in your life this process would likely be best completed with a therapist to help to find truth.
Start a new page and write the first negative statement down. Then answer the following questions. When you have answered the questions move on to the next negative statement on your list.
- When did I first start believing this lie?
- Who told me this lie?
- Why would the person say that?
- How has this lie been reinforced?
- Where’s the evidence that this is true?
- After answering the above questions it generally becomes clear that there isn’t any evidence. However, some false core beliefs have taken pretty deep root and it can be difficult to combat.
Fight the Negative with Truth
Sometimes your original list with all of the thoughts about yourself can provide you truth. So go back through the original list and write down all of the positive thoughts and truths you know about yourself and use that as a way to break down the lies.
Then go to the bible. What are the truths that God says about you?
Psalm 139:13 (NIV) For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
He knows you better than you know yourself!
There are so many beautiful example in the bible of God’s love for you and His view of you. Let these verses get you started.
Matthew 10:30-32 (NIV) And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. “Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven.
1 Corinthians 3:16 (NIV) Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?
A New Way of Talking to Yourself
Staci Eldredge wrote the book, Becoming Myself: Embracing the God’s Dream of You It’s an amazing book to help with the topic of self-worth, identity in Christ and positive self-talk!
In the book, Staci discusses the names we call ourselves. Again, sometimes it’s really harsh. We often wouldn’t dare call other people the names we call ourselves! (Or at least we shouldn’t!) But all of us can come up with a nickname or term of endearment that others call us that we do like and that brings a smile to our face as well as happy memories. Staci describes using that same term of endearment when we are talking to ourselves.
I know it sounds cheesy and in fact all of the components above are hard. But it really is helpful in combating negative thoughts! Try it. And then try it again. And again. It will take a while to not feel uncomfortable and unnatural but then you will start to become your own cheerleader instead of worst enemy.
For more on the topic of adding positive to your life check out my post on Positive Thinking: Set a Faith-Filled Intention.
And check out the books I referenced on Amazon.
I pray that this post helps you to view yourself more like how God views you and helps you to create more positive self-talk!
God bless!
Melissa
We need to know who we are in Christ so that we don’t give ourselves negative self-talk that causes us to spiral down. We must believe and dwell on what is true.
You are so right. For some people who may not have been brought up Christian all their life or are new to faith, learning those truths and combating negative thoughts is a hard process! Once there is knowledge and faith in Christ’s love, the negative thoughts are so much easier to fight! Thank you for reading and commenting!
I’m re-reading Stasi’s Becoming myself. I think I will probably do this a couple of times a year for the next few years. Even being raised in a Christian home and church, the negative self talk and lies can be powerful!
Oh my they absolutely can. It is a great book that I plan on adding back into my ever-growing reading list. We really do need to immerse ourselves in God’s truths in as many ways as possible to fight the negativity. Thank you for reading and commenting! God bless!
I am a firm believer that we can not control everything that comes into our mind, but we can control how long we entertain those thoughts. Letting those negative thoughts go and refocusing on something else is a huge skill that I get to practice.
And it is a skill that requires practice because our thoughts are so automatic. Thankfully we have the truth about who we are, we just have to read it and believe it! Thank you for reading and commenting! God bless!
I’ve had negative self -talk for a long time. The pain from my childhood directed that kind of thinking. I’m working on re-learning what is the Truth about me. God is showing me what I experienced is not the truth about me!
I’m so glad you are having the opportunity to be shown your truth worth! It is certianily a process but one that can be so freeing! Thank you for reading and commenting! God bless!
This is definitely something I struggle with, so I completely relate to what you’re saying! I have memorized Philippians 4:8 to help me out with my negative and worrisome thoughts.
I love Philippians 4:8. I add on verses 6 and 7 as well since I’m a bit of a worry wart at times! Thank you for reading and commenting! God bless!
Wow! (Do I start comments on your blog with that exclamation a lot? just wondering) You bring it out from me! What a wealth of encouragement from a professional. The “where’s the evidence” is so hard to work through for those that grew up hearing and believing the negativity from important people in childhood……. never-mind positivity that comes along from others, and later. BLOGGING has finally help me block out some of the negative messages that creep up from the past pains. I am so grateful that I live with HOPE in Christ!! With Him, I can be happy in the Sonshine. Thanks for another awesome post Melissa! I am sharing on my blog facebook page.
Tammy you are always just so sweet and encouraging! I’m so glad that blogging has been a beneficial tool for you to move beyond some of your past pain. It is amazing how writing for others can be eye-opening and bring us closer to God! Thank you for reading and your oh so sweet comments! God bless!
So good! I sense a little bit of Transformational Prayer Ministry here. Honestly, learning how to locate the lies I believe and invite Jesus to tell me the truth has been the foundation of most of my healing journey.
I’ve seen this be so helpful in my clients and I’ve used it as well to be rid of negative thoughts that continually bombarded me. Once I was able to understand where they were coming from and why/how it was a lie, it was so freeing. Thank you for reading and commenting! God bless!
Love everything about this!!! Positive speaking is so essential to our everyday lives. I tell people, get radical with positive thinking and speaking. Sometimes if those negative thoughts don’t leave, you may have to shout some scriptures lol. Thank you for advocating for it!
Shout, sing, dance, fall to your knees! Whatever it takes to realize the negative is a lie. It is absolutely a process. Thank you for reading and commenting! God bless!
I love how you have intertwined science and Scripture! I think too often people focus only the science and procedure of changing negative thoughts to positive ones, not realizing that it also takes a healthy dose of God to support that process of change and make it lasting! Along with your book recommendation, I also want to recommend Power Thoughts by Joyce Meyer; it will only add the resources for those needing a better thought-life! By the way, I’ll be posting this on Facebook next week:)
It is such a balance both ways. Science by itself certainly isn’t complete. At the same time, we know God can heal and make new all things, however, we are also called to take action as well when we are capable. Thank you for the book recommendation. My book list just keeps growing! Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing. God bless!
Dear Melissa
Thank you for sharing your thoughts in “Positive Self-Talk: Ways to Combat the Negative” with us.
It was an encouraging read for me this morning.
I sure do a lot of self-talk also.
I can relate to what you write about when you say:
“Self-talk happens during everything we do. From taking inventory of how we are feeling – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We use self-talk when we are interacting and observing other people.”
Your blog post reminded me of the dangers that follow from negative self-talk.
How often haven’t I said as you write:
“You’re such an idiot. There’s no way you’re going to get that promotion. You don’t matter. You’re worthless.”
It’s more often than I like to think about.
It has helped me much to stay around positive people and stop consuming mass media.
I still struggle – but much less than I did before.
My favourite sentence from this particular blog post:
“So the goal then is to switch our negative self-talk with more positive messages.”
You suggest that we sit down and write what we think about ourselves. This is a great way to get conscious about our self-talk.
Once again, thank you – I appreciate your post.
I’ll give it a share Tuesday, November 14 on my social media channels.
Cordially
Edna Davidsen
Thank you, Edna, for your comments and social media shares. Our thinking pattern can become so stuck from lies and negative experiences that it takes time, focus, and energy to intentionally change it. And as God’s creation, we are called to love ourselves because of Him. Thank you again! God bless!
You’re welcome 🙂
What an amazing, comprehensive post. I love that you are providing solid, instructional advice on how to combat negative thinking as well as providing the scripture to build of up our self worth in Jesus. I’m excited to write these questions down and start going through this mental process myself. I struggle a bit with anxious thinking and worry about what others perceive about me. I know this has to have started somewhere. Thank you so much for this post; Jesus is using you and your knowledge in therapy in amazing ways!
Thank you for such kind words. Combating negative self-talk is a process. I pray the process I outlined is beneficial for you and that you are able to replace them with God’s truths. Thank you for reading and again for your encouraging comments. God bless!