The Necessary Premarital Conversation You Need to Have Before ‘I do’
We learn how to be married by the example of our parents. Whether we realize it or not. They laid the foundation for how we view marriage and how we choose to interact with our spouse. This is a blessing for engaged couples whose parents were stellar examples. This can feel like a curse if your parent’s marriage was dysfunctional or ended in divorce.
But you can use all information for your benefit. Your marriage doesn’t have to follow their fate however you do need to understand the components of their marriage.
My parents and my husband’s parents got divorced. We love our parents. And we also knew that there were aspects of their marriages that we didn’t want to repeat. As an engaged couple, we took the time to discuss what we learned from our parent’s marriages. It was a lengthy conversation over a few different days.
I walk my premarital counseling couples through this same process as a starting off point. The answers to these questions then provide conversations that allow me and the couple to understand where future issues and conflicts may arise. Answer the questions separately first and then come together for discussion or answer them more collaboratively.
How did your parents communicate with one another?
You may have experienced your parents set aside time to talk each day. Or they may have checked in with one another throughout the day. Did one parent talk more than the other? Were their tones loving and gentle or harsh and critical? What topics did they discuss?
How did they handle arguments?
Some people remember their parents arguing often and loud. Others witnessed more disagreements. But some don’t remember their parents arguing at all. My parents would have disagreements in the laundry room or they would go for walks together. So I didn’t know how to disagree with my husband. When we first married this was an area that caused me great discomfort.
To find out the rest of the necessary premarital conversation – follow me over to Start Marriage Right where I am a contributor!
I pray that this conversation helps you and your fiance to start your marriage with a strong foundation and understanding of what you want for your marriage.
And if you have been married for a number of years, this is still a conversation you can have with your spouse! It is never too late in your marriage to strengthen and grow as a couple.
For more marriage related posts check out my series on Boundaries in Your Marriage.