Ways to Keep the Butterflies Alive
Butterflies are that giddy feeling in your stomach. The skip in your step and quickening of your heart. They make smiles and laughter involuntary.
You likely felt the butterflies pretty frequently when you first started dating. They are the thrill of something new and exciting. The joy of getting to know someone and the moments of reconnecting after times apart. They caused you to check your phone one extra time or watch out the window for the car to pull up.
But butterflies aren’t love. There are many couples who have erroneously gotten marriage based solely upon butterflies.
Feelings alone can’t sustain a marriage. It requires a foundation of commitment, trust, communication, adoration, respect and love. It is the understanding that love is a choice. To actively choose to show admiration and respect to your spouse on a daily basis.
But we may have gone too far in the opposite direction. That once we get married we discredit the importance of those giddy feelings, too. We fall into patterns and routines. And if we’re not careful the threat of monotony can set in.
The butterflies don’t have to die. They may not be able to sustain a marriage but they are able to add joy to the relationship. And as a married couple we are called to delight in each other as Jesus delights in the church.
Focus on the Positives
When we started dating our spouse all we saw and noticed were the positives about him/her. Those positive thoughts fueled our excitement. It’s important to focus on the positives once married as well. At the end of each day thank God for the positive aspects of your spouse that you experienced that day. It would also benefit your spouse if you complimented them on the positive attributes that you appreciate.
Try New Activities Together
Butterflies thrive on new and exciting so you may have to create that into your marriage. Find activities that you both would like to try or take turns picking. Create a bucket list of ideas that you would like to experience together and then celebrate when you get to cross an item off.
To read the other three tips on ways to keep the butterflies alive – follow me over to Start Marriage Right where I’m a contributor!
I pray that this post encourages you to choose love and seek out ways to flourish your joy and excitement in your marriage.
God bless!
Melissa
Melissa, I love the title of this post. Your five tips are great and things we all should be practicing as married couples. I especially like the focus on the positive. There is no place for criticism in a marriage! At least it certainly doesn’t provide a safe place where intimacy can grow. Great post, Melissa. Keep them coming! – Amy
www,stylingrannymama.com
Thank you Amy! Yes, focusing on the positive is such a crucial part of marriage. Otherwise it can be so easy to allow negative thoughts and feelings to harbor and grow. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. God bless!
Sometimes we get so caught up in other things in life that we forget those positives. “At the end of each day thank God for the positive aspects of your spouse that you experienced that day.” <3 Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Stephanie. We have the choice everyday to view our spouse as a gift or as a hindrance. If we’re not actively choosing “gift” than we can be unconsciously choosing hindrance. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. God bless!
All good tips on keeping the butterflies alive in a marriage. Perhaps the best piece of advice is what you’ve mentioned here throughout all the tips, that it takes effort to love another person. When we invest time and effort into loving others, the rewards are so worth it. Wonderful points to come back to at any stage of marriage, for women and men.
Thank you Andrea! Yes, it absolutely takes effort to love another person. But man the rewards are worth it, right?! Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. God bless!
Delighting in each other is something that all couples need to do. If they don’t, they need to ask God to change them to be able to delight in each other again. Love is not just outer actions. It’s inward delight.
Your so right, Susan. Love is first an inward choice followed up by outward actions. Thank you for reading and sharing your insight. God bless!
I love this. I think about all of the above sometimes when I’m frustrated and reflect back to when I first met my husband. I have realize that I can have both. We have a unique opportunity in our marriage for renewing all of this every time he deploys or goes out for a long training. Thank you.
Thank you Maryann! That’s awesome that you reflect on these things when you are frustrated. That’s also a very positive spin on your husband deploying. Please than him for his service to our country! Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. God bless!
This is a very cute post with great ideas! Sometimes people just accept that butterflies will just go away in their marriages, but nurturing them is so healthy for your relationship! Thank you so much for this reminder, and for this practical application.
You’re right, many people do just accept that the butterflies will die. But marriage is supposed to be joyous as much as comforting. Just like our relationship with Jesus. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. God bless!
Great post Melissa:) Doing activities together is my favorite because it tends to die down when toddlers are demanding your attention.
Yes, now that my kids are 8 and 5 it’s nice to be able to have more uninterrupted conversations. Sometimes I just enjoy engaging in something with my husband than makes us laugh together. Thank you for stopping by Diana and sharing your thoughts. God bless!
Melissa- I have a post about butterflies coming up in a few weeks! God must be trying to tell me something about my marriage. Get those butterflies back!
Great minds, right?! 🙂 The butterflies are the fun part of marriage! Enjoy getting them back. Thank for stopping by and sharing. God bless!
Excellent post, Melissa! Sharing on Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter.
Thank you so much Sarah! God bless!
Being able to rebirth those butterfly feelings takes some effort, but it’s definitely reviving to marriages!
It is reviving to a marriage. And while it takes some effort the result is more fun and joy in the marriage! Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. God bless!
Beautiful, Melissa. Focusing on our spouse’s positive qualities is so important. We’ve been married for 27 years, and it’s easy to “let things ride.” But our marriages are worth more than that. Thanks for the encouragement to build each other up and look for the things that keep the spark alive!
Congratulations on 27 years! Yes, it can be easy to let things ride but the butterflies are part of the fun and joy of the marriage. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. God bless!
My husband and I get breakfast at Chick-Fil-A on Fridays. Our girls know it is our time! We also teach second grade Sunday School together and are always on the lookout for more shared experiences! Gotta keep the fires burning 🙂
That’s great that you guys have designated time together. It’s so important! Thank you for stopping by and sharing your experiences. God bless!
You are so right! “It’s important to focus on the positives once married as well.” This can be so difficult when we throw ourselves into rhythms and routines…When you push two very different lives together in marriage, the paradise feelings can be quickly fleeting. Finding a common “fun thing” to do together has really helped us! Even finding projects outside of normal everyday ones, has helped us learn to pull from each other’s strengths. This helps each of us see how special and important the other is. Plus it’s always nice to see my hubby do the heavy lifting! 😉
That’s awesome that you guys have taken the time to come up with common things and projects to keep the fun and joy in the marriage! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences. God bless!