12 Comments

  1. I love the title of your post. I think where people get a little “over the edge” is when they don’t teach their boys that there is a “time and a place” as you said. Being a mom of boys, I totally understand their need to be active and loud. It is so important to allow them to be unleashed but also self controlled. Nice!

  2. I have also seen a recent influx in adolescent boys who are struggling with anxiety! I teach the youth at my local church and this seems to be a constant battle within their minds. Very well done! Thank you for the great reminder found in Joshua 10:25!!

  3. Wow! You make some great points and wonderful insights! However, I have to say the church has done a great job of making women feel less than equal all on their own. Something Jesus never did while he walked on earth or when God created us. Maybe, if the church worked harder on teaching everyone about the dangers of not treating each other equally, we could then share that message with the world.

    • melissa

      Sheila I don’t disagree with you. The church at times has done a disservice to both women and men! That can be a post for the future! In this post I really wanted to focus on the importance of letting boys be boys and not trying to tear them down for the sake of lifting up girls. God created us to be equally important and uniquely different so truly they cannot be compared!

  4. Kristi

    This post is fantastic! It’s a sad reality that boys and men are being beat down in order to raise girls and women up.

    Great resources! I’ll have to check them out.

    • melissa

      It is a sad reality. Thank you for reading and commenting! All the books are great! We use principles from Knights in Training in our house. He enjoys the idea of becoming a knight and we teach him the code of chivalry. Wild at Heart is an amazing book for any young adult male on up. It also was a great read for me as a wife to better understand the strongholds of a man. God bless!

  5. 1. Thank you for writing this.
    2. Some of the books you’ve mentioned are really good. I would add That’s My Son to the list.
    3. The hardest part, for me as a parent, is the self control part. Just as you mentioned, schools, Sunday schools, any controlled environment… wants my son to sit still and listen as a girl might. He’s five. It’s just not gonna happen. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve had to tell, over the years, “No. He does not have ADD or ADHD…Yes, that’s the opinion of three medical professionals.”

    • melissa

      I’m so sorry for your son and for you that you have to deal with people who just don’t understand the appropriate development of boys. They are just different than girls! Thank you for the book recommendation. Thank you for reading and commenting. God bless!

  6. Guinevere Servis

    Hyper masculinity is toxic, you should really look at the statistics of the violence men perpetrate due to this notion that men are made to be tough. I’m sure you’ll be glad to know I have used this article to portray the societies view on men in my Social Inequality class at college. As a Psychology major, it saddens me to see that you denounce the femininity in men- as love, compassion, sadness, etc. are things we as human beings all feel. I am sorry that the pose of a man in an advertisement makes you uneasy, but maybe if you focused less on gender conformity and more about inclusiveness, your knowledge as a “mental health counselor” wouldn’t be as skewed. I pray you let the boys you counsel have emotions and stop denying their validity of mental disorders, and one day believe a rise in female equality is not “pure evil”.
    Micah 6:8:
    He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?
    There is power in equality. I leave you with this.
    Proverbs 21:19
    It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

    • Melissa

      Guinevere, thank you for reading the post. Your comment warrants multiple responses as you make many false dichotomies and assumed superlatives.
      You start out by referencing “hyper-masculinity”, this is a term for the exaggeration of male stereotypical behavior, such as an emphasis on physical strength, aggression, and sexuality. My post doesn’t portray a desire for an exaggeration of stereotypical behavior. I’m proposing that society is now attempting to strip males, particularly young and adolescent males, of their innate desire to protect and defend.
      That leads me to your next point of “the violence men perpetrate due to this notion that men are made to be tough.” Be aware that your stating “due” means that you are capable of knowing their intent. That is a dangerous assumption to make and one that is often fraught with errors. The statistics are only able to provide the numbers, it is not able to give you causation.
      However, we are able to look at many different factors. In the areas of the United States where male violence is the most prevalent, we also see decreased rates of fathers within the home, increased gang affiliations, as well as increased drug use. In those areas of the country a more appropriate term to use would be machismo, which is a form of masculinity that emphasizes power and is often associated with a disregard for consequences and responsibility. My post does not endorse or celebrate the use of power of any kind for one’s own benefit. Again, boys innately have a desire for themes of play associated with good vs. bad and to protect and defend.
      Also, another statistic to view is that the only common factor in the male perpetrated school shootings has been no father within the home. Those statistics would actually lean toward the belief that the presence of a healthy male figure within the home decreases violence.
      I am glad that you brought this post to your class as I hope your professor also acknowledged the danger and potential unintended consequences that can take place when assumptions about intent are made.
      As far as “denounce the femininity in men”, this is a false dichotomy that I did not make. Nowhere do I say that boys and men shouldn’t show and represent love, compassion, sadness, etc. Yes, those are emotions that human being all feel. Again, the point of my post was to address the fact that society seems to want to strip away the innate and inherently masculine qualities of men – courage, strength, bravery, etc. It is not an “or” statement.
      My focus on the poses of males in advertisements was to highlight my point that society is attempting to present men in a more passive and weak way. Instead of teaching men how to embrace the desire to protect and defend, society is trying to reinforce strength in men is bad.
      Of course, I allow and encourage the boys in my office to have emotions. This again is another example of your comment creating a false dichotomy I did not make in my post. I stated, “I am seeing an influx in adolescent boys who are increasingly struggling with anxiety. We spend countless sessions focusing on their talents and interests to develop their identity, worth, and self-esteem.” – I’m not sure how you are coming to the conclusion that I am “denying their validity of mental disorders.” As a therapist, our role is to help our clients recognize their emotions, understand why they are happening, where they are coming from, and then help them to appropriately tolerate and manage the emotions.
      Your point of “one day believe a rise in female equality is not “pure evil” suggests you didn’t understand my statement. I wrote, “Attempting to build up someone (girls) at the demise of someone else (boys) is not okay or good.” First, I do not believe society is attempting to create female equality, I believe it is attempting to create female domination. Anytime a people or society tries to downgrade a certain population, race, religion or gender that is a society that is seeking domination over that particular population. Trying to hinder a significant aspect of the male psyche and portraying it as bad is to the demise of males. That is then with evil intent.
      I’m honestly not sure what to make of your Bible references. I don’t disagree with either of them and I’m not sure how they support the point you’re making in your comment.
      Many Blessings,
      Melissa

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